Ancient “Nativity Scrolls Discovered in Israel!
Archeologists recently uncovered a First Century parchment now called, “The Nativity Scroll.” The scroll was unearthed between Jerusalem and Bethlehem, and contains parchments of a Jerusalem based news agency known as “The Judaean Herald.” The scripts were given to Town Criers who ran to city gates to read breaking news of that day.
THE JUDAEAN HERALD
December 26th, 1st Century Edition
BEWILDERMENT IN BETHLEHEM
NOTE TO READER: With Hanukkah now a national observance for Israel, our Senior Reporters have taken “holiday.” However, an aspiring teen reporter known simply as “Josephus” (with encyclopedic knowledge!), has worked tirelessly to render “Headline and Report” of non-stop Breaking News during the past 24 hours.
CAESAR’S CENSUS SUMMONS CITIZENS
As “No-Vacancy” signs abound, Jews from across the nation have scrambled home to pay what they have contemptuously coined, “The “Caesar Augustax.” Nevertheless, compliance is at 98.5% as Rome enriches itself.
MOTHER BIRTHS BOY IN STABLE: CLAIMS SON WILL BECOME WORLD MONARCH
You read the headline correctly! With area inns packed, a family of three—each descendants of David—were denied accommodations at houses and hotels. However, husband Joseph, reputedly clever, arranged lodging at a local stable. Born amidst cattle, the birth drew visitors far and near. Within minutes of Mary’s delivery, Joseph issued an Official Statement saying: “Jesus is Not My Son! . . . Child’s Dad is God!” This has brought a swift response from the Sadducees and Pharisees. They are claiming Joseph broke “Blasphemy” laws that Moses set forth.
SHEPHERDS: ‘ANGELS ORDERED US TO ABANDON FLOCKS’
Aye-Plea News reports: “Judaean shepherds violated numerous Animal Rights & Cruelty laws by taking flight of their flocks last night.” Though all sheep are healthy and accounted for as of this morning, the shepherds remain intoxicated with joy, and have secured a reputable defense attorney. Gabriel Fullwell specializes in “Fake News” cases and says he’s delighted to serve as defense attorney!
EASTERN MAGI CLAIM UFO GUIDES THEM
There was no Blood Moon last night (December 25) but mystifying accounts of “heavenly guidance” continue to perplex Israeli Intelligence Bureaus. Although Herod claims Judaea’s borders are tightly sealed, the Border Patrol has reluctantly admitted that weeks earlier Eastern Magi, including their camels, passed through Kneedles Zai, Zion. They were last spotted roaming Judaean hills in search of a “Baby born King of the Jews.” Herod was notified and immediately put out an “Amber Alert” for the child. He continues to deny he has plans to abort the infants from Judea! Finally, Conspiracy Theorists persist with rumors that the Magi are hauling a stash of gold.
TURMOIL AT TEMPLE MOUNT
Zechariah (92), a respected Priest for decades, continues to cause unrest among Temple Priests. After six months of giving the “Silent Treatment” to his fellow priests, Zechariah now claims an angel shut his mouth! While his elderly wife Elizabeth surprisingly delivered a boy, Zechariah again broke Temple protocol by naming him John. Taking it further, Zechariah has nicknamed him John, “The Baptist.” At six months old, the parents attest that John is constantly leaping out of his crib! They say their youngster refuses to walk, but instead “leaps in joy” throughout the house! However, Elizabeth claims that once she covered John’s crib with “camel’s hair” and dipped his pacifier into honey that his restlessness dissipated. But these reports have brought swift backlash from the Sanhedrin Court against Zechariah. The Sanhedrin has charged Zechariah with (1) “Bearing false testimony” about his son; (2) It is charging Zechariah with “the inability of controlling a wild-natured child“; and (3) Failure to keep his wife (Elizabeth) under subjection. Several people have testified, under oath, that Elizabeth claims she was “filled with the Holy Spirit when Mary greeted her.” Thus, by a slim majority, the Sanhedrin has barred Zechariah from his Temple duties. Conservative Priests allege that “leftists” of the Sanhedrin are guilty of ‘Cancel Culture’ toward Zechariah.
(Please note that this story fluid. I invite you to learn more by reading the Four Gospels of the New Testament.)